Relationship Counselling- Can it Save a Relationship?

A couple arguing
Again?

Every relationship has problems at some time or another. Generally, they can be worked out between the parties. Indeed, the relationship bond may emerge stronger. However, it can be hard to address and overcome these problems. Likewise, if robust discussion transforms into a raging row the underlying issues can be lost in the storm. As an illustration, do relationships break because ‘the toothpaste lid is left off’? Relationship counselling can help.

Communication is key. If communication within the relationship is not good the problems will not be resolved. In other words, if communication has been fraught with fierce arguments, slanging matches, negativity and searing accusations, is anything addressed?

7 Ways Relationship Counselling Can Help.

  1. It can help you discover how you really feel about the relationship. In a safe, non-judgemental, confidential environment. In other words, identify your wants and needs.
  2. You can speak freely about issues that concern you without fear of recrimination or escalating into a savage storm. Big things or little things.
  3. It can give you clarity regarding the relationship. Sometimes we can’t see the wood for the trees. Therefore, we become overwhelmed.
  4. It can help you both to take responsibility. As a result, it can limit the ‘blame game’.
  5. It can help you to see each other’s point of view. Therefore, you may achieve a better understanding of the behaviour and motives of the other. Hence, slower to judge/blame.
  6. It can help with self-awareness and growth as individuals and in the relationship. Consequently, you may be better able to identify, overcome and pre-empt the challenges.
  7. Finally, it can improve verbal and non-verbal communication.

Is it normal to lose the ‘spark’ in your relationship?

Generally, relationships develop through stages.  I would suggest the stages are not entirely exclusive but a general direction.

The Romance.

In this phase the couple, usually, believes that the relationship is positive. Even though there may be little challenges things are going to be fine.  Butterflies in the tummy. Anticipation. Every meeting an event. However, it is not realistic to expect to live in an amusement park.

The Everyday.

The couple starts to learn more about each other. Facing situations as a couple not necessarily as individuals. Consequently, couples may notice that there are things they disagree on.  As a result, these splinters may grow into logs if left to fester.

Individuals may start to feel anxious due to the change in dynamic. As a result, they may begin to think they have made a mistake. Things aren’t as they were. Which could lead to more anxiety. Small things grow to big things. If not communicated – to huge things.

If not resolved these challenges can build far beyond their beginnings. Moreover, they can transform into masks to obscure the real reasons behind them. A sort of snowball effect.

The couple may apportion responsibility to each other, themselves or situational factors. However, the challenges are now likely to have taken on a life of their own, far removed from the ‘splinters’. Communicating ‘would’ve helped that crash’ ( Lou Reed).

Moving On.

Relationship counselling can provide an opportunity to explore your attitude to the relationship. Is it habit? Do you want to save it? Likewise, it can help you to establish and reopen lines of communication. Having a clearer view of the situation will help you to see a way to move on.

Can counselling help a broken relationship?

Communication takes the pressure off. Shake a bottle of Coke and take the cap off too quickly and see what happens (other carbonated drinks are available).

Not communicating is like keeping your needs and expectations, your hopes and fears in a box. A box that will get heavier. We may know someone and they may know us well enough to ‘just know’ each other’s wants and needs. Something which can improve over time.

On the other hand, hearing them leaves no room for doubt. In short, things left unsaid can lead to a lot of tension and anxiety in a relationship. At the same time other influences, for example, guilt, lack of respect, hangovers from the past and indifference may come into play.  As a result, people may find it harder to get along with each other. They may want to escape the situation temporarily or permanently. Try to talk it out not run out.

A relationship: two individuals bracketed by each other (ii).

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